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I'm sitting here trying to watch a show on Bright House Cable. High Def, my ass. It's so garbled that I can't really make out anything. The screen keeps getting pixelated, the audio is full of random noise or soundless moments. The show is probably funny, but how the fuck would I know?

I suspect that this is due to the way Bright House compressed the digital signal and tries to shove ten pounds of electronic shit into a five pound sack. It doesn't matter what channel I choose. The problem exists on all of them, so I can't blame any particular network. No, this is Bright House's ability to suck on on its own.

Do you live in a Bright House? Yeah, neither do I. More like a Blight House.

If you're expecting to hit Downtown Disney for some Independence Day fireworks tonight, forget it. Disney must be trying to save a few bucks by eliminating the "free" show and only displaying fireworks in the parks with paid entry.

Lakers fans posed next to burning paper while celebrating their team's 99-86 NBA Finals win over Orlando in downtown Los Angeles Sunday. Police arrested 18 people for disturbing the peace, arson and other infractions. Eight officers received minor injuries. (Philip Scott Andrews/Associated Press)

Think about it. Aren't you glad now that the Orlando Magic didn't win the NBA Finals? If the Magic had won, then Orlando Magic fans would've felt compelled to destroy their own town, keeping up with a long tradition of vandalism from sports victories around the world.

Now that it's over, I'll say my peace about the Orlando Magic and the fans. I don't care. Really, truly, I just don't really care about professional sports. The Orlando Magic do not represent Orlando. Trust me, they will leave Orlando if their contract allows and there is a better job opportunity awaits them elsewhere. That isn't a criticism, it's just a business reality. The Orlando Magic is a show. It's paid entertainment. They did a great job of entertaining their fans this year, but so did the cast of Burn Notice taping their TV show in Miami. When that series ends, the cast and crew will go on to the next job, and so will the Magic.

So why do people get excited about professional sports, particularly at playoff time? There is absolutely no reason to do so. They aren't playing for your honor. They aren't playing to earn a tax break for you. As residents of Orlando (and the surrounding area), we get absolutely the same result if the Magic had won or lost the NBA finals - nothing! Not a damn thing.

While I don't care one way or another about the final outcome, I have to say that I'm glad it's over. Everywhere I went, people were expressing their "support" for the Orlando Magic. All of which had absolutely no effect upon the outcome, but it deludes the fans into thinking that "we" are all in this together. "We" can win.

Jesus, please. "We" weren't slugging it out during the whole NBA season. "We" weren't showing up for practice. "We" didn't have to fly back and forth across the country during post-season. "We" didn't do shit to affect the outcome of the game. Give the players, coaches and staff of the Orlando Magic the credit that THEY deserve.

I've heard that some of the "real" fans of the Orlando Magic didn't like all the new, "fake" fans who only start cheering once the team has already made it to the playoffs. On the one hand, I can understand. It's as though some interlopers showed up to take a piece of the glory that they didn't earn. Except, on the other hand, there is no glory for the fans. Remember, you didn't do a damn thing. At least, you didn't do anything to help the team win. Sure, you filled up the bars and yelled at TV sets, but I suspect most of you realize that a guy busting his ass on a basketball court isn't really able to psychically glean your beer-induced screams and push that much harder toward victory.

There is no point in having civic pride in the results of paying entertainers to come work in our town. Don't get me wrong, that doesn't mean I have anything against them. I've met a few Magic players and each one seemed like a nice guy to me. I worked out in the same room at RDV with General Manager Otis Smith and thought the man was a great gentleman. I've run into other former pro basketball players around town who were assisting the Magic at one time or another (everyone from Curly Neal of the Harlem Globetrotters to Dr. J) and found each of them really nice. Even Dennis Scott was nice back in the days when he was hanging out at Pure Platinum watching naked women dance. I won't say that I know these people, but they were nice when we crossed paths. However, that's just not an excuse to believe that they really represent the town. They have a business endorsement from the city. We spend a LOT of our tax dollars supporting the Orlando Magic. Let's not forget when the Magic threatened to leave Orlando for another city during the 1990's. Money talks.

Wearing those Orlando Magic jerseys and t-shirts is really no different than the tourist that goes home with a Mickey Mouse t-shirt. It's just a way to show people who you like to pay for your entertainment.

So let's be glad it's over and we didn't win. Now we don't have to spend more of our tax dollars repairing the destruction to our town. We'll let Los Angeles deal with the burning cars, broken glass, and injured cops. Congratulations, Lakers.

Back in the mid-80's, we started something called "Light Up Orlando." The unofficial beginning of the festival started with the Kumquat Queen Sashay down Orange Avenue, leading to City Hall (conveniently located next door to Orlando Utilities Commission). The mayor would give a speech about how great and fun it was to live in Orlando, and then he'd hit an oversized electric switch (branded with the OUC logo) to kick off the party.

From there, all the lights in town came on, there was beer and live music in the streets, and a lot of litter in the morning (leading some of us to rename the event Blight Up Orlando). It was actually nice to have an adult party in the middle of town. Like most good things, it grew to the point of getting fucked up and commercialized. Soon, everyone was trying to use the event to market something to the people who just wanted to have a good time. We got a few headline bands, but I think the local bands were a better draw for a home-town event.

Now it's quite the opposite. Instead of lighting up and partying, we dim down for an hour and let them meander meaninglessly around town for Earth Hour.

What the fuck is Earth Hour? You're supposed to turn off your lights and live in Medieval Darkness for an hour. Why? Ostensibly, to take action on Global Warming. That's what they say. Personally, I think it's a test to see how many mindless morons exist in the world to do what they're told and feel good about themselves.

Way to go, Orlando! You're turning into a bunch of sycophants.

Don't be a mindless moron. Revolt against Earth Hour. Don't patronize any business that observes Earth Hour. Go out and do your own Kumquat Sashay, have a few drinks, turn on all the lights, and say FUCK YOU to the politically correct sumbitches who want to tell you what meaningless bullshit you have to do.

When someone comes along and complains that you aren't observing Earth Hour, point, laugh, and ridicule the mindless drones. Have another drink. The Earth will still be here in another hour. Maybe even longer.

Just clean up your mess when you're done. We don't need to blight up Orlando.

How many times have our local newscasters had to remind us about the upcoming switch to Digital TV? More times than I ever cared to hear, and probably more times than they cared to repeat. Since I've done absolutely nothing to remind you that television is changing, I hope to make up for my silence with this public service announcement

Hawaiian Tropic Bikini Contest - 127, originally uploaded by wbeem.

I just read that 25-year-old Orlando woman, Samantha Harris, will be in the July Playboy issue as part of a 6-page article about the Cyber Girls.

Personally, I think she deserves to be the Playmate of the Month. Maybe it'll happen in time.

I grabbed this shot during the 2007 Hawaiian Tropic Swimsuit Contest.

I found this on The Disney Blog and had to share it. You never know when you need a Dancing Wookie fix.

More Honesty, originally uploaded by wbeem.

I saw this guy in standing by the Amway Arena before the Rush concert on Tuesday evening. I couldn't help it, I had to snap a photo with my iPhone. I told the guy I'd give him a couple of bucks for the photo. He smiled and approved, but told me I'd have to come closer because he wasn't allowed to leave his area.

You see those little blue marks on the ground to his right? That's the designated panhandling area allowed in the City of Orlando. As long as he stays in that box, he can hold his sign and collect whatever money comes his way.

Generally, I don't want to be bothered with people begging for money. If his sign had said anything else, I probably would've ignored him. However, I admired his honesty and humor. The guy was genuinely nice and articulate, too. We talked briefly about Rush. He remembered seeing them for the first time in 1974 for $4.50. I paid $109.50 for my ticket that night. Times change.

I was just checking concert tour listings on Pollstar to see who was coming to town. Orlando's Matchbox Twenty is on the Top 50 list with a tour. There are two Florida dates: Hollywood on January 25th and Tampa on the next night.

So what about Orlando? The hometown isn't good enough for the boys who used to play at The Mill? I think the last time they played here was back in 2003. Actually, it was a great show. They played up the hometown angle and Rob Thomas wanted to call the venue the "O-Rena" just for the night. They did a great cover of U2's "Where the Streets Have No Name", too.

Don't expect any love from Matchbox Twenty this time around, Orlando. I guess they've outgrown us.

I went to B.B. King's Blues Club last night in Pointe Orlando. The place just opened the night before, but I couldn't make it for opening night. Fortunately, B.B. was playing for a few nights this week and I finally got a chance to see him perform live. It's not like he hasn't been to Orlando before. It's not like I haven't asked my friends to go with me to see B.B. King perform in Orlando before. The problem in the past is that every single friend I've ever asked to go with my, those friends who seemed enthusiastic about going to his show, always flaked out and caused me to miss the concert. The reasons are numerous and lame. Tonight, I said "screw my friends." I went alone so nobody could mess it up for me.

I called the club earlier in the day to ensure that I could get a ticket. The lady who answered confirmed there were seats available and I opted for the $125 ticket. It wasn't the prime seat at the stage, but just a bit behind those folks. The price included a prix fixe meal from the club, also. I could arrive between 5:00 pm and 8:00 pm for dinner and B.B. started at 9:00 pm. I asked about their policy on photography. She told me that I should bring something concealable, as there's no flash photography allowed. I asked a few more questions, and I got the impression it'd be a hassle if I brought my Nikon D200. Instead, I just brought my little Canon P&S camera, which is much like bringing a cocktail umbrella to a tropical storm. It's there, but useless.

First Impressions

Once I got there, the night started off a bit wrong. They couldn't find my seat. The manager walked me all around the club and didn't know where it was. He passed me to someone else, who in turn passed me to another girl named Susan. Susan comped me a free drink and promised she'd make it right. It took her a while, and she mentioned giving me a full refund and putting me in a lesser table than I bought. I just smiled and told her that I trust her to work it out. It turns out they'd seated some other woman in my chair.

After almost a half-hour, they ended up putting me in a seat directly in line with B.B. King, sandwiched right between some of the fattest people I could've imagined. While that initially set me back, I have to say that both of them were are nice as could be and I didn't feel overly cramped for the night. A couple more rum & cokes came at me and I got my meal. Life was good.

These pictures are going to suck. Most people have these crappy little P&S shooters or their cell phones, but there are obviously some folks with their digital SLR's shooting with no problem. I should've brought my D200. Another opportunity lost because I didn't want to push it a bit.

Al around the club, inside and outside, you find traditional Memphis blues art like this photo reveals. You recognize it immediately as something a 3rd grader could've painted. I'm not sure why blues music equates with really poor painting, but at least it conveys enough that you're supposed to recognize the musicians depicted.

The Food

On a night like this, things run smoother for the staff if guests have limited options. I knew ahead of time that this event would have a prix fixe menu, though I didn't know what options were on it.

Your only real choice is whether you want BBQ Salmon or BBQ Chicken & Ribs. What the hell, I went for the chicken & ribs and skipped the salad (I hate lettuce).

I can honestly attest that the ribs met the definition of being so tender that the meat falls off the bone. That's because, as I brought one of the ribs to my mouth, the meat fell off the bone onto my plate. The BBQ sauce tasted like some kind of bourbon/BBQ glaze. It worked for me, because I didn't leave any ribs or chicken behind. The mashed potatoes were fine. The other two sides didn't really appeal to me. Just for the hell of it, I tried the macaroni & cheese. It was bland, tasteless, and rubbery. The cornbread muffin that came with the meal was also fine, but not extremely flavorful.

Years ago, I ate at the B.B. King restaurant in New York City and remember feeling disappointed. I was prepared for a mundane meal, but I think that's the case for a lot of theme restaurants. My meal last night wasn't bad at all, but it wasn't outstanding. If I were going solely on the basis of a meal, I probably wouldn't make the trip back. It's not that much of a draw.

For desert, you didn't have a choice. The menu called for a Bourbon Pecan Pie. I didn't have my hopes up, as I'm really not a fan of pecans and didn't expect much from the pie. Damn, was I wrong. They served a little individual pie that was absolutely wonderful. The portion size was just right and I loved the flavor. This little desert elevated my opinion of the offerings enough that I may go back to try a few other dishes.

Opening Act

The staff was friendly, the food was OK, and the desert surprised me. However, the reason I came here was for the music. The opening act is the house band, The B.B. King All Stars. These folks exceeded my expectations. The first two numbers were instrumental covers of some Booker T and the MG's songs. The band was tight and right on the mark. Four horns, two guitars, keyboards, bass and drums filled up the sound and didn't overwhelm by being too loud. The sound crew had to level out a few things, something I would've expected them to do before the show began. Otherwise, I had no complaints. After the first two instrumental numbers, the male and female vocalists came out to share some duets and their own songs. Again, I was just floored with the great performance delivered that night. Although I came out to hear B.B. King play, I was thrilled with the notion that there's a great Blues/R&B band in Orlando that I can hear seven nights a week if I get in the mood. This band is outstanding. Go hear them live.

The Main Event

This is one of the first times I can remember wishing that the opening act played longer before bringing on the main event. I definitely have to go see them again when they can play longer or for more sets. Still, B.B. was the reason I was there. His band came out, set things up, and opened the night with a pair of instrumental numbers. Once again, another outstanding band filled the stage. It's such a joy to see a polished group perform and they didn't disappoint.

They introduced B.B. King and he came out, as expected, to a standing ovation. People love this guy, and it was easy to see why. He's kind, talkative, genuinely funny, full of facial expressions, and really knows how to connect with his audience. He's 82 years old and his voice is strong and he can play the hell out of his guitar. He told the crowd that he's diabetic, his knees don't work so well, his head doesn't, either. Even so, he's still traveling the world and performing. Maybe that's what keeps him alert and alive. It definitely seems to make him happy.

B.B. shares the stage well, making sure that every talented musician on his stage has an opportunity to shine. Maybe he shares a little too well. For the first half hour, he didn't play his guitar that much. Although he opened up with a few licks to show his chops, he hadn't really touched the guitar that much. Fortunately, it seems that's just the way he designs his sets to let the band show off a bit, and the later parts of the show feature his playing as you would expect.

There's a more laid back feeling to B.B.'s show. The opening act was energetic and almost breathtaking. B.B.'s show is more of a simmer with occasional moments of boiling hot. With over 90 CD's and 500 singles behind him, there's no way he can perform it all. His songs ranged over the decades, including a very differently arranged version of U2's "When Love Comes to Town." There are some staged moments of comedy, even in the middle of songs.

In between songs, or sometimes during them, B.B. talks to his audience to share his thoughts, experiences, and humor. Sometimes it's a fatherly talk. He tells how he believes that women are a gift from God (and they believe it, too). He also laments that no matter what a father does, he first thing a kid is going to do when he gets on TV is say "Hi, Mom." Dads never win. Then he tries to inspire the men to treat their women right so they can go home and get some. Now that's a fatherly talk with a message I can appreciate.

B.B. King's show isn't designed to blow you away. It's designed to be a good night out with some good music and humor, something just to make you feel good. It worked for me. It also seemed to work for some blonde girl standing behind me. Somewhere along the last half of the show, I felt her arm slowly crawl around my neck (never a bad feeling). She was taking pictures of the show and decided to wrap her arms around me to steady herself. Sometimes she'd take pictures of the show, then she'd slowly turn the camera toward me. I finally tried to get a snapshot of her. This picture sucks, but it was the best of the bunch.

I have no idea who she is and I didn't ask her name since she appeared to be there with some other guy. However, she helped make my night complete. Even though I went to the show alone, it doesn't mean I minded having a beautiful woman crawl around on me. I gotta go back to this bar.

Orlando Magic fans are up in arms at the start of the NBA season this year. Why? Due to a string of actions, they can't watch 35 Magic games on the local cable provider - Bright House Networks. Local fans with Dish Network & DirecTV subscriptions aren't affected, so they're gloating - at least on game days when it doesn't rain.

Here's how it all unfolded. The Orlando Magic sold the rights to televise their games. Unfortunately for fans, those rights did not include any stipulation that the games would get aired locally. FSN Florida bought the rights to the Magic games. About a week or so ago, FSN made a deal with Dish and DirectTV to broadcast Orlando Magic games.

Bright House already carries Sun Sports, which has rights to broadcast 40 Magic games that will air on the cable provider's networks. Bright House would like to add FSN for its Sports Tier, which would add to the cost for subscribers. FSN doesn't want to be part of a tier, it wants to be in the overall channel line-up available to all Bright House subscribers. Bright House claims, correctly, that doing so would raise the cost of service.

So it comes down to whether a few Magic fans are willing to pay more to watch those games at home on a Sports Tier, or whether Bright House will raise the subscriber cost to ALL of its customers in order to carry the Orlando Magic games. After all, you know Bright House isn't going to take the hit on that expense without passing it along one way or another.

Personally, I don't care one bit about watching sports. Maybe it'd be different if I attended a college and had some vested interest in the game. Otherwise, what's the point? It's entertainment, nothing more. There's no way I'd want to pay a higher cable cost so Oprah fans could watch additional content, and I think the same thing about the Magic fans. If you want it, pay for it. Here's another idea. Buy a ticket and go watch the game in person. I'm not totally convinced that concept didn't enter the minds of the Orlando Magic administration when they sold the rights without a guarantee to have games air locally, but that's just my own speculation.

Now the town is full of sports fans whining that they can't watch their games at home on TV. Some will abandon Bright House and buy a satellite service. Others will end up going out to Hooters or Ale House to drown their complaints in pitchers of beer while yelling at the TV set. That's all fine with me. Just don't raise my cost in order to provide for these folks.

Pretty soon, they're going to be glad to get out of the house and have a beer, anyway. The writers strike is about to end the soap opera shows, so there are going to be some cranky housewives pretty soon.

The night was sultry. It may seem like the opening line to a mystery. Perhaps it was. Thirty-seven women from nine Central Florida Hooters locations arrived at Hooters of Sanford to compete in the Hooters Regional Swimsuit Contest on June 9th. Each one hoped to advance to the 11th Annual Hooters International Pageant in Las Vegas on July 18th, but only two could qualify from this event.

The Hooters of Sanford location proved to be ideal for the competition. Many Hooters locations are either located in a strip mall or have their own small lot. Hooters of Sanford's presence at the Seminole Towne Center Mall provided ample space for the event and parking for guests. It was also the first Hooters location to have a full liquor bar, something most other Central Florida stores lack.

The weather cooperated by not raining on the event, but some in attendance may have preferred rain to the oppressive heat and humidity. Everyone was looking for some relief from the muggy atmosphere, including guests, Hooters girls working at the event, and the swimsuit contestants themselves who started the evening in dresses for a VIP meet and greet.

Central Florida proved it has no lack of lovely women in the area. Each lady had her share of supporters from co-workers, friends, family, and people who just liked her. Hundreds of people crowded the venue to cheer their favorite. Some carried signs or wore custom t-shirts. The women working from Hooters of Sanford had a little home-field advantage for cheering, even banging on pots when girls from that store appeared on stage.

The Dragon Room in Downtown Orlando held a Superhero Alcoholics Awareness Meeting: How not to Drink and Fly tonight. I can't tell you how much we needed to raise awareness for this problem. It's not that we want our Superheroes to stop drinking, but please don't drink and fly.

Of course, some Superheroes were seen speeding away from the bar - slightly inebriated.