Local Business: July 2009 Archives

It seems that local police are training Bright House employees to look for "suspicious" activity and report it to the police, according to this article in the Orlando Sentinel. On the surface, it sounds good. Criminals will now run and hide every time they see a Bright House van enter a neighborhood. We have a new kind of superhero who fights crime and delivers high definition television. Along with Bright House, your neighborhood Garbage Man is doing the same thing. He's picking up your recycled waste and keeping an eye out for whatever suspicious things you may be doing.

So what's suspicious? Anything they want it to be.



  • If you're walking around taking pictures in your neighborhood, you're suspicious.

  • If you visit a friend before he gets home and wait in your car, you're suspicious.

  • If you make a delivery at an "odd" time, you're suspicious.

  • If you look like you don't belong in the neighborhood, you're suspicious.

  • If you're using binoculars, you're suspicious.

  • If you're taking notes, you're suspicious.

  • If you're drawing a diagram, you're suspicious.

  • If you avoid making eye contact, you're not shy, you're suspicious.

  • If you leave when a stranger approaches you, you're suspicious.

  • If you're overdressed for the weather, you're suspicious.

  • If your vehicle is overloaded, you're suspicious.

  • If you smell bad, you're suspicious.

  • If you have an "unusual" amount of people living in your house, you're suspicious.

  • Most egregious of all, if you act suspicious, you're suspicious.


There are any number of perfectly legal activities which seem suspicious to those who have been trained to be suspicious, to those who get rewarded for reporting suspicious behavior, or to those who just like to feel superior.

I have no problem with individual citizens being vigilant. If I happened to see someone breaking into a house, I'd call 911 and report it. However, I'm not going to call just because someone looks like they might be in the wrong place. As hard as our government has tried to change things, this is still the United States of America (except in Lake County). If I see a Hispanic man in a predominantly white neighborhood, it doesn't mean he's a criminal. If I see a white man in a predominantly black neighborhood, it doesn't mean he's there for hookers or crack. Letting people think the worst of others is one thing. Giving them incentive and power to act upon their suspicions is another, more dangerous thing.

When you pay for Bright House service and something goes wrong, you call for a technician to come to your home and fix it. Now you're going to get something else with it, too. You're going to get a spy for the police department in your home. In addition to trying to fix the problem, he's going to be looking around your house. If you have a closed door where he's not allowed, that may seem suspicious. Never mind that it's because the room is messy or you don't want him to see the sex chandelier hanging over your bed. He's going to start assuming what evil terrorist plot you may be trying to hatch in there.

That's not surprising. When the human mind doesn't have enough information, it tries to fill the gap with supposition. If a person is looking for something suspicious and you don't alleviate any doubt, then the fact that he can't see in there is suspicious to him. Those who want to fight crime will see crime, even if they can't see a damn thing other than a closed door.

Of course, we don't need to worry about that. It says so, right in the article:

Residents who allow Bright House technicians into their homes don't need to worry about being reported for illegal activities that might be observed, said Sara Brady, the company's vice president for public affairs and community relations.

See? There you go, you have the word of Sara Brady. None of her Bright Spies are going to cross the line in your home. What more do you want? It's in print, so it must be true. They won't call the cops about things they see in your house, unless...

One exception is a life-safety issue, Brady said. For example, if a technician finds young children home alone, they will report it. But they were doing that long before the launch of Operation Bright Eyes, she said.

Well, that makes perfect sense. A young child home alone, they need to come and lock you up. What else makes sense? If they see you have children and have a wine rack, watch out. Hey, those kids are at risk. Someone needs to come and lock you up.

The truly frightening part of this program is that it's based upon suspicion. Anything you do to preserve your privacy may seem quite suspicious to others. You don't need to commit any crime, all you need to do is go about your day and mind your own business to become suspicious, and therefore, get reported by the very business you're paying.

Take a look at a recent example in the news. A Harvard professor comes home from vacation and has a problem getting in his own house. He asks his driver for assistance and they succeed in forcing the door open. Meanwhile, a suspicious person calls the police and reports that a black man is breaking into a house. The black man is the home owner. Police arrive and he identifies himself as the home owner.

Apparently, this exchange between the Harvard professor and the police was unpleasant and the professor wanted to get the officer's badge number. As expected, the crime of "contempt of cop" went into effect and the professor was arrested in his own home for disturbing the peace. I wonder if his cable company made the call to the police?

The next time Bright House raises its rates, I admit that I'll be suspicious that it's to cover the cost of spying on me.

I had to visit Clermont today. That's something I've never said before, because most people never "have" to go to Clermont. It's not on the way to anywhere else, really. There are normally only two reasons to visit this patch of suburban sprawl.

1: You are training for or participating in a bicycle or triathlon event.

2: You want to see the water tower.

I've added a photo of it to spare some of you from experiencing the sheer misery of driving to Clermont. Seriously, this place sucks. The roads are old, the drivers are stupid and there is nothing remarkable about this patch of land. If you've seen Walmart, Panera Bread and 7-11, then there is nothing exotic beyond those types of common chain businesses to see.

Before the place got overbuilt with cheap housing and mediocre businesses, this was actually a beautiful part of the state. It had lush, green rolling hills with beautiful views. Now those views are clogged with box-like buildings, most of which are beige. You know a place is really rockin' if it's beige. All the cool places are beige. Clermont traded green hills for beige boxes.

Clermont still has nice hills and is a great place for bicyclists, but most of the people clogging the roads at rush hour aren't here for the exercise.

More likely, they came for cheap housing. Sadly, they didn't factor in the cost of their commute to Orlando for work, because there is no discernable industry here beyond servicing bikes, being a clerk, or using heavy machinery to clog the roads. I've seen more dump trucks in Clermont than any other part of the state. This is where dump trucks come to mate and create more dump trucks, which in turn block anyone who wants to step on the fucking gas pedal to get somewhere before the next milennium.

So why did I venture out into this suburban wasteland? Believe it or not, it was related to exercise. I'm not interested in cycling up and down Thrill Hill, so I'm trading in my road bike for a spinning bike. I'll get my exercise thrills in air conditioning from now on, and the fine folks at South Lake Bicycles had a Schwinn spinning bike for sale. It's not part of their usual thing, but it worked out for me. The owner, Mark Marshall, bought it used from someone who decided he didn't want it anymore. My friend Niki somehow learned about it from Mark at a recent triathlon, and she knows that I'm in the market for one. In turn, I'm selling my road bike to her husband. The way this all worked out, I'm saving money buying locally, Mark is happy to sell the spinner, and I'm not charging Niki as much for my bike because I don't have to cover the cost of buying & shipping a spinner out of state. Confused? So am I, but suffice it to say that we all got what we wanted for less money than we thought. If you're going to be in Clermont anyway for the outstanding cycling opportunities, then get to know the folks at South Lake Bicycles. They've been involved in competition cycling for years and are really friendly people. It's worth a stop just to check out the place.

Outside of cycling, stay home. I've been to Clermont and suffered for you. You've seen the water tower. Spare yourself the trip out here. It's not worth it.

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If you're expecting to hit Downtown Disney for some Independence Day fireworks tonight, forget it. Disney must be trying to save a few bucks by eliminating the "free" show and only displaying fireworks in the parks with paid entry.

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About this Archive

This page is a archive of entries in the Local Business category from July 2009.

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