Recently in Thoughts Category

According to a study released by CQ Press, Orlando rates #17 in a list of crime rate rankings (Camden, NJ is #1). What I find interesting about this study is:

• We didn't rank a higher crime rate in the nation
• We had the highest crime rate of any city in Florida.

So, in a way, WE'RE #1!

The next worst area in Florida is Miami Gardens (#35), Miami Beach (#42) and Miami (#45). We're more fucked than Miami, folks. That's quite an achievement. I'd like to say that we couldn't have possibly done it without America's first law enforcement power couple, the Demings. As Chief of Police and Sheriff, they've helped us step up to the highest crime rate in Florida. Well done, team!

Let's be fair, I can't lay all of that crime at their doorstep. Clearly, they had help. That help comes in the form of the MBI, the Orlando Mayor and City Council, the Orange County Major and County Commissioners, too. Every one of them played a part in our increasing crime rate.

What part did they play? My opinion is that it's due to their pandering to the family friendly image they'd like to promote for Orlando. That's why they've changed laws and harassed every adult entertainment business in the area. Without these places to blow off a little steam in a LEGAL manner, they've managed to drive that need underground into illegal activities. As a result, it's been a boon to criminal enterprise in the area.

Our MBI wastes time and tax payer dollars staking out topless bars and massage parlors (it's hard getting hand jobs at taxpaper expense). Our city & county officials regulate those businesses into crime-ridden areas and then complain how adult businesses attract crime. Just how do we end up hiring such incompetent people to run our government?

Police complain about guns on the streets, but yet they're part of the problem. There's an Orlando Police car that parks in my neighborhood every night (#7414) with both a shotgun and assault rifle visible inside. I was under the impression that it was against OPD policy to leave weapons inside a police vehicle overnight; at least that's what the news reported when Val Demings' weapon was stolen. I guess it's one of those rules that doesn't mean much - at least until someone breaks into the police car and steals the weapons.

Here's what I think. Our local "authorities" have squeezed their grip so tight that adults have no place to go but to illegal activities to blow off some steam. We didn't have a crime rate this high when you could get a lap dance and rub some tits in your face. We didn't have this problem when your local massage parlor always had a happy ending.

I guess we're still getting fucked, though.

While most of us look at this photo and see a cute kid with a pillow, Edgewater Police Officer Myles J. Lawler sees a biological hazard. That kid could've wiped his nose on the pillow or or slobbered on it while he slept, contributing to a deadly cocktail that imperil's lives.

So when Erik John Batty tossed a pillow at Officer Lawler, it's quite clear that it was a vicious assault designed to bring our hero to his knees, potentially ending his life. Never mind that Batty was in his own home, in his own bed, telling the officer to leave the room.

I'm not making this shit up. here's a quote from the Orlando Sentinel's article:

"I felt the pillow was biohazardious material and could contain hazards," Lawler said in the report.

Seriously, Officer Lawler. Were you born a pussy? Do you believe your own bullshit about a hazardous pillow? It's my opinion that you're in the wrong line of work if you can't handle a pillow being tossed at you.

This case wreaks of the most serious crime anyone can commit: contempt of cop. I'm surprised Officer Lawler didn't stick a taser up his ass and smash his face into a wall. Then again, the man did have a bloody face in his mug shot. Coincidence?

Sometimes I wonder why our law enforcement folks are so incredibly stupid. They don't seem to realize that they're actually supposed to uphold the laws, not circumvent them for their own needs. We saw it recently on video in South Florida when some cops concocted a lie to explain why a deputy ran into the back of a woman's car. The problem is that they did all of this while recording it on the police car's dashboard video camera. Can we trust people that stupid to carry guns and have authority over the rest of us?

Today were here about a story where a gang task force deputy in Polk county arrested a man (already in jail) for the lyrics of a rap song he posted on MySpace.

Let's face it, the guy who came up with a song about killing cops is not someone I want in my neighborhood. I don't doubt for a moment that he belongs in the prison where he sits. However, he belongs there for his actions, not his words.

That's because we place a great importance and value on freedom of speech. That's true even if the speech is hateful. We don't protect this speech because it's about killing cops. We protect speech because the right to dissent is critical to freedom. Protection of our rights is the crucial issue here, not the young man who rapped about killing cops, and not the cops who sought to silence him.

People risk their lives for the right to express themselves. We watch it on the evening news in Iran as protestors face beatings & bullets, but yet our Polk & Lake county deputies deprive an American citizen of his right to express himself. It's a song of protest.

I'll make no excuses for the rap song. Hell, I hate rap. I'm not a proponent of threatening to kill anyone, either. The boy is seriously messed up. However, the folks we hire to uphold our laws ought to have a slight notion of the U.S. Constitution.

It's not like he's the first person to rap about this subject, either. N.W.A. recorded "Fuck tha Police." Ice-T recorded "Cop Killer." Check out a search on Google for "anti-police songs" and you'll get a list of them.

So why is this young man with a MySpace page being imprisoned for two years? He named names. He mentioned Lake County deputies by name. He mentioned Polk County Sheriff Williams by name. Hell, he even named a dead dog. That's cause enough to lock his ass up in Polk County.

Worst of all, they talked him into it. There was no trial. They got the guy, sitting in prison, to plead No Contest and they trumped him up in front of a judge with equal disrespect for the First Amendment. Maybe the judge went along because the song lyrics also mentioned he's "got a grudge with a judge."

Do the cops have a right to be afraid of this man? Maybe so. He has violent thoughts, but I'm glad to see that he chose a song for an outlet instead of killing a cop. On the other hand, the cops have guns, body armor, tasers, radios to call more cops, and a host of more powerful options that a 20 year-old man sitting in jail can't conceive.

I must be getting old, because I'm really sick of heavily armed cops defiling essential rights of citizens. If you're that afraid, quit and get another job. It's hard to respect officers who place themselves above the law.

It seems that local police are training Bright House employees to look for "suspicious" activity and report it to the police, according to this article in the Orlando Sentinel. On the surface, it sounds good. Criminals will now run and hide every time they see a Bright House van enter a neighborhood. We have a new kind of superhero who fights crime and delivers high definition television. Along with Bright House, your neighborhood Garbage Man is doing the same thing. He's picking up your recycled waste and keeping an eye out for whatever suspicious things you may be doing.

So what's suspicious? Anything they want it to be.

• If you're walking around taking pictures in your neighborhood, you're suspicious.


• If you visit a friend before he gets home and wait in your car, you're suspicious.


• If you make a delivery at an "odd" time, you're suspicious.


• If you look like you don't belong in the neighborhood, you're suspicious.


• If you're using binoculars, you're suspicious.


• If you're taking notes, you're suspicious.


• If you're drawing a diagram, you're suspicious.


• If you avoid making eye contact, you're not shy, you're suspicious.


• If you leave when a stranger approaches you, you're suspicious.


• If you're overdressed for the weather, you're suspicious.


• If your vehicle is overloaded, you're suspicious.


• If you smell bad, you're suspicious.


• If you have an "unusual" amount of people living in your house, you're suspicious.


• Most egregious of all, if you act suspicious, you're suspicious.

There are any number of perfectly legal activities which seem suspicious to those who have been trained to be suspicious, to those who get rewarded for reporting suspicious behavior, or to those who just like to feel superior.

I have no problem with individual citizens being vigilant. If I happened to see someone breaking into a house, I'd call 911 and report it. However, I'm not going to call just because someone looks like they might be in the wrong place. As hard as our government has tried to change things, this is still the United States of America (except in Lake County). If I see a Hispanic man in a predominantly white neighborhood, it doesn't mean he's a criminal. If I see a white man in a predominantly black neighborhood, it doesn't mean he's there for hookers or crack. Letting people think the worst of others is one thing. Giving them incentive and power to act upon their suspicions is another, more dangerous thing.

When you pay for Bright House service and something goes wrong, you call for a technician to come to your home and fix it. Now you're going to get something else with it, too. You're going to get a spy for the police department in your home. In addition to trying to fix the problem, he's going to be looking around your house. If you have a closed door where he's not allowed, that may seem suspicious. Never mind that it's because the room is messy or you don't want him to see the sex chandelier hanging over your bed. He's going to start assuming what evil terrorist plot you may be trying to hatch in there.

That's not surprising. When the human mind doesn't have enough information, it tries to fill the gap with supposition. If a person is looking for something suspicious and you don't alleviate any doubt, then the fact that he can't see in there is suspicious to him. Those who want to fight crime will see crime, even if they can't see a damn thing other than a closed door.

Of course, we don't need to worry about that. It says so, right in the article:

Residents who allow Bright House technicians into their homes don't need to worry about being reported for illegal activities that might be observed, said Sara Brady, the company's vice president for public affairs and community relations.

See? There you go, you have the word of Sara Brady. None of her Bright Spies are going to cross the line in your home. What more do you want? It's in print, so it must be true. They won't call the cops about things they see in your house, unless...

One exception is a life-safety issue, Brady said. For example, if a technician finds young children home alone, they will report it. But they were doing that long before the launch of Operation Bright Eyes, she said.

Well, that makes perfect sense. A young child home alone, they need to come and lock you up. What else makes sense? If they see you have children and have a wine rack, watch out. Hey, those kids are at risk. Someone needs to come and lock you up.

The truly frightening part of this program is that it's based upon suspicion. Anything you do to preserve your privacy may seem quite suspicious to others. You don't need to commit any crime, all you need to do is go about your day and mind your own business to become suspicious, and therefore, get reported by the very business you're paying.

Take a look at a recent example in the news. A Harvard professor comes home from vacation and has a problem getting in his own house. He asks his driver for assistance and they succeed in forcing the door open. Meanwhile, a suspicious person calls the police and reports that a black man is breaking into a house. The black man is the home owner. Police arrive and he identifies himself as the home owner.

Apparently, this exchange between the Harvard professor and the police was unpleasant and the professor wanted to get the officer's badge number. As expected, the crime of "contempt of cop" went into effect and the professor was arrested in his own home for disturbing the peace. I wonder if his cable company made the call to the police?

The next time Bright House raises its rates, I admit that I'll be suspicious that it's to cover the cost of spying on me.

I had to visit Clermont today. That's something I've never said before, because most people never "have" to go to Clermont. It's not on the way to anywhere else, really. There are normally only two reasons to visit this patch of suburban sprawl.

1: You are training for or participating in a bicycle or triathlon event.

2: You want to see the water tower.

I've added a photo of it to spare some of you from experiencing the sheer misery of driving to Clermont. Seriously, this place sucks. The roads are old, the drivers are stupid and there is nothing remarkable about this patch of land. If you've seen Walmart, Panera Bread and 7-11, then there is nothing exotic beyond those types of common chain businesses to see.

Before the place got overbuilt with cheap housing and mediocre businesses, this was actually a beautiful part of the state. It had lush, green rolling hills with beautiful views. Now those views are clogged with box-like buildings, most of which are beige. You know a place is really rockin' if it's beige. All the cool places are beige. Clermont traded green hills for beige boxes.

Clermont still has nice hills and is a great place for bicyclists, but most of the people clogging the roads at rush hour aren't here for the exercise.

More likely, they came for cheap housing. Sadly, they didn't factor in the cost of their commute to Orlando for work, because there is no discernable industry here beyond servicing bikes, being a clerk, or using heavy machinery to clog the roads. I've seen more dump trucks in Clermont than any other part of the state. This is where dump trucks come to mate and create more dump trucks, which in turn block anyone who wants to step on the fucking gas pedal to get somewhere before the next milennium.

So why did I venture out into this suburban wasteland? Believe it or not, it was related to exercise. I'm not interested in cycling up and down Thrill Hill, so I'm trading in my road bike for a spinning bike. I'll get my exercise thrills in air conditioning from now on, and the fine folks at South Lake Bicycles had a Schwinn spinning bike for sale. It's not part of their usual thing, but it worked out for me. The owner, Mark Marshall, bought it used from someone who decided he didn't want it anymore. My friend Niki somehow learned about it from Mark at a recent triathlon, and she knows that I'm in the market for one. In turn, I'm selling my road bike to her husband. The way this all worked out, I'm saving money buying locally, Mark is happy to sell the spinner, and I'm not charging Niki as much for my bike because I don't have to cover the cost of buying & shipping a spinner out of state. Confused? So am I, but suffice it to say that we all got what we wanted for less money than we thought. If you're going to be in Clermont anyway for the outstanding cycling opportunities, then get to know the folks at South Lake Bicycles. They've been involved in competition cycling for years and are really friendly people. It's worth a stop just to check out the place.

Outside of cycling, stay home. I've been to Clermont and suffered for you. You've seen the water tower. Spare yourself the trip out here. It's not worth it.

The holiday weekend is over, the crackdown is complete, and the statistics are coming out for review. Here's what we've learned from news reports at the Orlando Sentinel and Florida Today:

Statewide, Florida Highway Patrol issued 4,548 speeding citations, 1,928 safety belt-related offenses, and 98 DUIs arrests. In the Central Florida area, FHP issued 312 citations and no warnings. Basically, you got a ticket if they took the time to pull you over.

That pretty much confirms my thoughts that this crackdown had little to do with safety and everything to do with revenue. It's a money-making affair for FHP. Per the Orlando Sentinel's report, OPD said its officer's had discretion whether to give a warning or issue a citation. That's pretty much standard for law enforcement. So why didn't the FHP Troopers give any warnings? There's no profit in warning someone.

Florida Highway Patrol State Trooper Harley-Davidson Police Road King, originally uploaded by lapd5150policemotor.

If it's a major U.S. holiday, you know that the cops will be out in full force with yet another "crackdown" for those of us who have the day off. The official claim is that they're trying to reduce traffic fatalities.

Bullshit. There are two reasons why cops write a lot of tickets on holidays. It's because the higher-ups recognize that a lot of travel is an excellent opportunity to earn revenue, so they make all the working cops get out there to write tickets. The working cops are pissed at the rest of us for enjoying ourselves while they work. Also, they know that they'll catch a ration of shit if they end the holiday crackdown period without enough tickets. There isn't a specified quota (that would be wrong), but the supervisor will let them know if they don't have enough tickets from such a target-rich opportunity.

While I'll believe that the average cop would rather not work a messy traffic death scene, I'm not swayed that the reason for this crackdown is safety. It's about the money. It's about sticking it to you for any infraction that earns revenue.

So please be aware that you aren't paranoid. They really are out to get you.

Lakers fans posed next to burning paper while celebrating their team's 99-86 NBA Finals win over Orlando in downtown Los Angeles Sunday. Police arrested 18 people for disturbing the peace, arson and other infractions. Eight officers received minor injuries. (Philip Scott Andrews/Associated Press)

Think about it. Aren't you glad now that the Orlando Magic didn't win the NBA Finals? If the Magic had won, then Orlando Magic fans would've felt compelled to destroy their own town, keeping up with a long tradition of vandalism from sports victories around the world.

Now that it's over, I'll say my peace about the Orlando Magic and the fans. I don't care. Really, truly, I just don't really care about professional sports. The Orlando Magic do not represent Orlando. Trust me, they will leave Orlando if their contract allows and there is a better job opportunity awaits them elsewhere. That isn't a criticism, it's just a business reality. The Orlando Magic is a show. It's paid entertainment. They did a great job of entertaining their fans this year, but so did the cast of Burn Notice taping their TV show in Miami. When that series ends, the cast and crew will go on to the next job, and so will the Magic.

So why do people get excited about professional sports, particularly at playoff time? There is absolutely no reason to do so. They aren't playing for your honor. They aren't playing to earn a tax break for you. As residents of Orlando (and the surrounding area), we get absolutely the same result if the Magic had won or lost the NBA finals - nothing! Not a damn thing.

While I don't care one way or another about the final outcome, I have to say that I'm glad it's over. Everywhere I went, people were expressing their "support" for the Orlando Magic. All of which had absolutely no effect upon the outcome, but it deludes the fans into thinking that "we" are all in this together. "We" can win.

Jesus, please. "We" weren't slugging it out during the whole NBA season. "We" weren't showing up for practice. "We" didn't have to fly back and forth across the country during post-season. "We" didn't do shit to affect the outcome of the game. Give the players, coaches and staff of the Orlando Magic the credit that THEY deserve.

I've heard that some of the "real" fans of the Orlando Magic didn't like all the new, "fake" fans who only start cheering once the team has already made it to the playoffs. On the one hand, I can understand. It's as though some interlopers showed up to take a piece of the glory that they didn't earn. Except, on the other hand, there is no glory for the fans. Remember, you didn't do a damn thing. At least, you didn't do anything to help the team win. Sure, you filled up the bars and yelled at TV sets, but I suspect most of you realize that a guy busting his ass on a basketball court isn't really able to psychically glean your beer-induced screams and push that much harder toward victory.

There is no point in having civic pride in the results of paying entertainers to come work in our town. Don't get me wrong, that doesn't mean I have anything against them. I've met a few Magic players and each one seemed like a nice guy to me. I worked out in the same room at RDV with General Manager Otis Smith and thought the man was a great gentleman. I've run into other former pro basketball players around town who were assisting the Magic at one time or another (everyone from Curly Neal of the Harlem Globetrotters to Dr. J) and found each of them really nice. Even Dennis Scott was nice back in the days when he was hanging out at Pure Platinum watching naked women dance. I won't say that I know these people, but they were nice when we crossed paths. However, that's just not an excuse to believe that they really represent the town. They have a business endorsement from the city. We spend a LOT of our tax dollars supporting the Orlando Magic. Let's not forget when the Magic threatened to leave Orlando for another city during the 1990's. Money talks.

Wearing those Orlando Magic jerseys and t-shirts is really no different than the tourist that goes home with a Mickey Mouse t-shirt. It's just a way to show people who you like to pay for your entertainment.

So let's be glad it's over and we didn't win. Now we don't have to spend more of our tax dollars repairing the destruction to our town. We'll let Los Angeles deal with the burning cars, broken glass, and injured cops. Congratulations, Lakers.

Every year, Disney hosts Star Wars Weekends at Disney Hollywood Studios. They've introduced some new figures for the event this year. In doing so, they've completely perverted one of my precious memories of sexual awakening.

This is wrong on so many levels:

You can see other new collectible toys here.

I've been watching the news as our buffoons in the Florida Legislature debate the idea of a gambling compact in Florida. It's been a real clusterfuck. There doesn't seem to be a damn soul in Tallahassee that understands what to do with gambling, so they've beaten each other and ultimately given the Seminole Tribe exactly what it wants - a competition-free industry to run as they please.

There are those who claim Florida does not need or want gambling. It's a sin, it'll bring an influx of crime, etc. These people, let's call them morons, are completely insane. This is Florida. We already have crime. There are murders, rapes, and so many drugs that we've had major TV series based in the state to exploit the concept of Florida crime for entertainment and profit. We also have gambling, including state-sponsored lottery drawings, scratch cards, and driver's licenses (tell me that driving around here isn't gambling with your life). Morons seek to blame something or someone else for their problems without addressing the root cause, and gambling is a perfect scapegoat.

Aside from the state's gambling, we have plenty of parimutuel games with dogs & horses. Those establishments also run smoke-filled poker rooms. Then there is the casino cruise industry, which technically avoids the legal issue by cruising a few miles out to sea to let a captive audience try their luck. Florida has a thriving underground gambling industry. If you want a bookie, ask your next waiter. Chances are that someone in his restaurant is in debt for the bets he's placed with his bookie. Gambling is already here and has been here for decades.

The real issue here is not to prevent gambling, which has worked as successfully as the war on drugs or keeping kids from fucking each other in school. It's happening, so what we need to do is figure out how to get our share of the pie. Charlie Crist recognized that much when he made his original compact with the Seminoles. Now that the economy is in the shitter, everyone has his hand out for some magical source of funds. It's the perfect opportunity for the Seminole Tribe to step up and lock in the market for itself.

Our politicians are so damn greedy that they've completely neglected their responsibility to protect consumers from a monopoly. Instead, they've created yet another legal monopoly. If you want to do any gambling in the state, you have to go to the Seminole Tribe. For a paltry $300 Million next fiscal year, they get the right to choke odds and refuse comps to even the biggest player in the state. These guys must be laughing in their teepees over the stupidity of the white people in Tallahassee.

I had dinner last night with some friends who frequent Las Vegas about a dozen times a year. They aren't the biggest whales, but they have no problem forwarding out $50K to $100K per trip to gamble over a weekend. Sometimes they win, sometimes they lose. However, Las Vegas casino hosts treat them very well. So well that I've even gotten a few free rooms out there and I don't gamble enough to pay for Steve Wynn's underwear.

They own a business in Florida and travel the state quite a bit. When they played at the Seminole Hard Rock in Tampa, they asked a casino host to review their play for comps. The guy flat out told them there were no comps. Since there was no competition in the state, Seminole Hard Rock doesn't need to use comps to induce gamblers. Either you gamble with Seminole Hard Rock or you don't gamble at all. Then they tried the Hard Rock in Hollywood. A casino host there gave them all sorts of promises for a suite and comped dinner, provided they played at a given level. My friends played $41K over and above the limit specified by the host (Marcus), but then their comps were refused at checkout.

The lack of comps is only one part of the screwing that Florida gamblers will get from the Seminole Tribe. Without competition, they have no incentive to offer decent gambling odds. It doesn't matter if you're playing video poker or blackjack, they can screw with the payouts to essentially rob you of your money as soon as you put it in the machine. As with any other industry, gambling MUST have competition in order to offer the best value to the consumer.

Our Florida Legislature has basically fucked us right up the ass. I prefer to think they've done it out of sheer stupidity rather than malice, but the end result is the same. They'll claim that the gambling money will go for better education. Right. Just like they said when the voters approved a state lottery. Gambling money came in the front door and other funding went under the table.

If you want to eliminate crime in Florida, don't blame gambling. Blame the criminals in Tallahassee. There's more corruption there than in a gambling pit.

The Orlando Sentinel publishes daily mug shots from Orange County. Why? Is this a news service, participation in a local government program of shame, or just a means to drive advertising revenue? Although the Orlando Sentinel serves a larger area than just Orange County, why aren't mug shots from other agencies included?

Each photograph comes with a standard disclaimer:

These photographs and charges are provided by the Orange County Sheriff's Office of people booked into the Orange County Jail during the past 30 days. They have not been convicted of the charges listed and are presumed innocent. The charges listed were current as of the time the photo was taken. OrlandoSentinel.com will not update the status of these cases.

That's right, we presume that everyone here is innocent with a wink and a nod, but we're still going to post these photos in an attempt to drive advertising revenue and shame them at the same time. It doesn't matter that some of these people may actually be innocent. Just the fact that they're accused of a crime is enough to do whatever we want. After all, those images are public property. We have a right!

My gut tells me that a larger percentage of the people arrested probably are guilty, but so what? Posting photos of those arrested isn't relevant news. If it's an attempt to change behavior through shame, then it's misguided and ineffective. For those who truly are innocent, posting their photo only adds to their burden.

What stands out to me is the large advertisement displayed by each photograph. I suspect that this is just a business decision. It appeals to the morbid curiosity of people and allows the Orlando Sentinel to profit from anything that draws a reader's eyes to the page. It seems the real shame here is on the Orlando Sentinel for participating in the misery of others for its own benefit.

Back in the mid-80's, we started something called "Light Up Orlando." The unofficial beginning of the festival started with the Kumquat Queen Sashay down Orange Avenue, leading to City Hall (conveniently located next door to Orlando Utilities Commission). The mayor would give a speech about how great and fun it was to live in Orlando, and then he'd hit an oversized electric switch (branded with the OUC logo) to kick off the party.

From there, all the lights in town came on, there was beer and live music in the streets, and a lot of litter in the morning (leading some of us to rename the event Blight Up Orlando). It was actually nice to have an adult party in the middle of town. Like most good things, it grew to the point of getting fucked up and commercialized. Soon, everyone was trying to use the event to market something to the people who just wanted to have a good time. We got a few headline bands, but I think the local bands were a better draw for a home-town event.

Now it's quite the opposite. Instead of lighting up and partying, we dim down for an hour and let them meander meaninglessly around town for Earth Hour.

What the fuck is Earth Hour? You're supposed to turn off your lights and live in Medieval Darkness for an hour. Why? Ostensibly, to take action on Global Warming. That's what they say. Personally, I think it's a test to see how many mindless morons exist in the world to do what they're told and feel good about themselves.

Way to go, Orlando! You're turning into a bunch of sycophants.

Don't be a mindless moron. Revolt against Earth Hour. Don't patronize any business that observes Earth Hour. Go out and do your own Kumquat Sashay, have a few drinks, turn on all the lights, and say FUCK YOU to the politically correct sumbitches who want to tell you what meaningless bullshit you have to do.

When someone comes along and complains that you aren't observing Earth Hour, point, laugh, and ridicule the mindless drones. Have another drink. The Earth will still be here in another hour. Maybe even longer.

Just clean up your mess when you're done. We don't need to blight up Orlando.

mountain nudie bar 022b, originally uploaded by sweetie pie press.

Every once in a while I see something in the search terms on the blog that seem worthy of a post. It's usually something I've overlooked, but also something that people want to know about within the Orlando area. Today's search phrase was "Nudie Bar."

It's pretty obvious why I haven't written about nudie bars around Orlando. They suck. Trust me, it's not worth visiting any of them. That wasn't the case from the mid-90's and earlier, but they've all pretty much been reigned in by the Bible Zealots who want Orlando to be a "family friendly" location.

Never mind that Disney World sells more liquor than anyone else in the area. Never mind that the nudie bars are NOWHERE NEAR any of the tourist attractions. Never mind that we have a convention business full of (mostly) men who could be dropping some serious change on Russian strippers at the Doll House. All of that is moot.

First, there is no "nudie" in our nudie bars. It's all pasties, bikini bottoms, and six-foot clearance from the dancer. Who the hell wants to waste their time with crap like that? It's an insult that a town like Orlando doesn't have a thriving adult entertainment industry for men to relieve their stress. No wonder we keep breaking murder records year after year. You take away the strippers, hookers and any other titillating business opportunities for people to relax, they're bound to turn to drugs. Per the Orange County Sheriff, most of the murders around here are related to drug lifestyle.

We had one shooting at a nudie bar last week. It was over an argument that started inside and spilled out into the parking lot when things got out of control. Why were people arguing? I think it's because they couldn't get a hot Russian stripper to grind a lap dance on them. Who the hell wants to talk to anyone else, much less argue, when you've got a naked girl springing your wood?

Orlando needs to rescind these stupid "morality" laws and let the strippers come back to work in Orlando. Until then, don't waste your time on nudie bars in Orlando.

I just read an article on the Orlando Sentinel site about a lockdown at Edgewater High School. When I was a kid in school, there was no such thing as a lockdown. However, things change. It seems that we hear about a lockdown all the time, particularly after horrific school shootings across the country. If there's a man with a gun near a school, they go on lockdown. I'm fine with that concept. Schools need to provide, first and foremost, a safe place for the community's children.

This time, Edgewater High School went on lockdown because two students got into a fight. Really. Seriously. What was the danger to the rest of the school population? A couple of high school kids got in a fight. An Orlando Police officer was "mildly injured" during the fight.

OK. Big deal. Discipline the kids, give the cop a Band-Aid, and let the rest of us get on with our day. Going on lockdown for such a common and trivial event is teaching our kids to be wimps. Who wants an entire generation of pussies that runs to hide every time something disrupts the normal flow or routine? It was a fight, deal with it.

Instead, we have a lockdown. Kids start sending text messages to their parents about it. The parents get nervous and think of the worst case scenario. They show up in droves to get their kids out of there someplace safe. Basically, everyone panics over a situation that doesn't concern them at all. This should be nothing more than an announcement over the PA the next morning, or some blurb in a note home to parents reminding them that kids shouldn't bring a knife to school. [The article mentions the officer found a knife in a student's backback, but it was not used in the fight.]

If I were a parent who showed up to get my kid out of school for this lockdown based upon a couple of students getting into a fight, I'm pretty sure I'd want to kick the Principal's ass for going overboard with the lockdown crap.

Remember when American's were tough? Remember when we learned we could face any adversity and still come out on top? Those aren't the lessons we're teaching our kids these days. It's pathetic.

Crowd attendance is down at NASCAR races, I presume because it's a luxury cost that many fans can no longer afford. Ad sponsors are pulling out because they have to prioritize their spending when customers aren't buying as much. On top of all that, the Big Three automakers are in deep shit. You don't see a lot of Toyotas or Hondas running in NASCAR. It's all GM, Ford, or Dodge. If they sink, what becomes of NASCAR?

So that begs the question of what happens to Daytona International Speedway. Sure, there are some other races, such as the AMA motorcycle races during Bike Week and the Rolex 24. There are other events inside the Speedway, such as Camping World. However, the NASCAR races are the big draw. If those events take a dive, the impact upon local tourism is going to roll right through the community. Hotels, restaurants and vendors are likely to feel the pain.

NASCAR President Mike Helton is asking fans to support NASCAR advertisers. When has that ever happened before? Basically, he's begging you to help NASCAR keep its advertisers. This isn't for the benefit of the fan's daily life. This is to keep more sponsors from bailing out on a sinking ship.

Personally, I don't give a damn about go-fast, turn left racing. However, it does seem to be something interesting to a large part of the population. I guess when it comes to rent or racing, NASCAR fans aren't quite as dumb as I previously thought. I don't think that NASCAR is going to die, but it does look like it's going to have a major transplant if things keep going this way.

Another August, another hurricane. There are a few things you can always expect with a hurricane coming to town.

1: Tony Mainolfi (WESH) will start fear mongering.
2: All sorts of people will give you preparation advice and dire warnings.
3: Lazy bastards who didn't get their supplies before the fear mongering will clog the roads, stores, and gas stations.
4: The local officials in the Keys will tell the tourists to get out (so they can make room for the hard core hurricane party folks).
5: Lots of people will lose power.
6: Lots of people will charge too much for something after it's over (ice, tree clearing, etc.)
7: We'll get warned about the next "disturbance in the tropics" before we've finished talking about this one.
8: It's a day without work, but still a suck-ass day.
9: The local lead news story will change to hurricane news.

Those of you who don't have water, ice and Pop-Tarts at your house already have been very annoying to me today. I have my act together, why don't you? You know this is going to happen at some point, so why the late rush to get batteries, water, and whatever else with the crowd of other morons? Buy this stuff in the Spring so you don't have to worry about it later.

The down side is that Sunday is my regular grocery day, so I've been caught up with the rest of you goobers while I try to get my regular fix of green grapes and turkey sandwich stuff. Remember your Boy Scout days (or show me your Girl Scout pictures): Be Prepared...then get out of my way. I'm looking for some grapes.

Hawaiian Tropic Bikini Contest - 127, originally uploaded by wbeem.

I just read that 25-year-old Orlando woman, Samantha Harris, will be in the July Playboy issue as part of a 6-page article about the Cyber Girls.

Personally, I think she deserves to be the Playmate of the Month. Maybe it'll happen in time.

I grabbed this shot during the 2007 Hawaiian Tropic Swimsuit Contest.

The news is playing about an event that happened last year. Orlando Police Officer Fernando Trinidad pushed a woman down the stairs at a downtown club. As a result, he lost 8 hours of vacation pay. Seriously, that's all that happened to the dude. Eight hours is one day of vacation. Poor guy. He's still on the streets, badge in one hand and gun in the other.

Not only did Officer Trinidad push a woman down the stairs, but then he arrested her on a trumped up felony charge. He lied to make it seem like he was the victim, she spit on him, yada yada yada. Fortunately, the thing got caught on the club's security camera where he was hired for an off-duty job. If you haven't seen it already, here's a clip from WKMG news showing what happened.

So why didn't he get more punishment? According to a statement by Orlando Police Chief Val Demings (who was then Deputy Chief, I'm told), it's because his civil rights were violated. The police union filed a grievance to protect the officer because he wasn't informed about the charges that launched the investigation.

This smells like the blue code of silence to me. Yet another law enforcement officer abuses his authority and someone on the inside helps him cover it up. We wouldn't be hearing about it now if the video hadn't come up. The victim is suing the cop and now there is a criminal investigation. The state may actually do what Orlando Police failed to do - cost this officer his job by invalidating his certification.

I was all set to write a scathing rant against this cop and the Orlando Police Department, but what good would it do? This is just another case of a cop out of control. Watch the video again. Notice how casually he shoves her down the stairs and walks past her like nothing happened. Equally bad is his partner. He's complicit with the crime by not taking action or speaking up about the bogus charges. This woman wanted to be a teacher. I bet her application looks real good with a felony arrest on it. What was her crime? Under what circumstances does a cop push someone from behind down a flight of stairs?

There's no point in ranting, though. Cops are as corrupt as ever. All of the hope and excitement around Val Demings becoming the first black woman to be Chief of Police in Orlando is over. She's just as bad as the rest of them. Now, on the evening news, she admits that the punishment was insufficient. However, her hands are tied because they can't punish him again. Remember, they took away 8 hours of vacation time. We wouldn't want to be unfair to a bully with a badge, would we? After all, he's got a union behind him.

This is police brutality on video. The police and the union both tried to squash it. Next time you see a cop, will you trust him? If you call the police and Officer Trinidad shows up, would you want him in your house? I damn sure wouldn't.

A few weeks ago, I was sitting in my house and heard some engines racing outside. It happens, 46-A isn't that far away and sometimes you hear a car or motorcycle decide to rev it up on a straight-away. However, this engine sound didn't go away. I sounded like someone was racing around my neighborhood. Once I ventured outside, I found the truth surprised me.

There, in the middle of the road at dusk, was my next-door neighbor racing his small child in go-karts on the street. For the life of me, I was dumb-founded by the incredible stupidity of it. No lights. No helmet or protective clothing. Low to the ground. Racing in poor light. There was a grown man putting his kid at risk just for a little "fun." All it would've taken was for someone to pull out of a driveway or turn a corner. Splat. They may have never even seen the go-kart or had any reason to expect one to be scooting around the road. Fortunately, they called it a night before anything went wrong.

Another young boy wasn't so luck this weekend. William Pfifer crashed an ATV into a house and was in critical condition yesterday. He wasn't riding in the street, nor was he wearing a helmet.

The federal Consumer Product Safety Commission reported that in 2001 97 percent of children under the age of 16 who were hurt by ATVs were on machines larger than recommended.

The top ten contributing factors in an ATV accident are:

1. Inexperience.
2. No helmet.
3. Children riding full-sized ATVs.
4. Carrying passengers.
5. No supervision.
6. Riding on public roads.
7. Use of alcohol.
8. High rate of speed.
9. Doing stunts/showing off.
10. Unseen obstacles.

I'm not necessarily opposed to kids learning how to operate a motor vehicle at a young age, but you just don't turn them loose and hope for the best. It wouldn't hurt to set a good example. How can you expect your child to exercise good judgment if you're racing a go-kart in the street at dusk right there with him? If you want to share some go-kart racing with your child, visit one of the local attractions like Fun World on Hwy 17-92 (part of Flea World).

Effective July 1, 208, anyone under age 16 operating an off-highway vehicle must have in his or her possession a certificate evidencing the satisfactory completion of an approved off-highway vehicle safety course in this state or another jurisdiction. If you don't know where to find training, ask your dealer. The Motorcycle Safety Foundation sponsors Dirt Bike schools for children as young as six years old. While you're registering your child, sign yourself up for a course, too.

Honda has a safety slogan with a bit of truth in it:

Daytona Beach has a problem. Spring Break is in full swing now, but the folks in Daytona want to preserve their reputation as a family-friendly destination. The recent arrival of the Girls Gone Wild party bus flies smack in the face of that reputation.

Honestly, what the hell is wrong with the folks in charge of Daytona's government? The city is a tourist town, but it's targeting the people who are least likely to spend money - families. We're in a recession. Family budgets are tighter than a coon's ass. The only reason they're going to Daytona outside of special events is because they're cheap. This is not a way to build a healthy economy.

Learn from Las Vegas, Daytona. Cater to the sinners. Let the Spring Breakers party their asses off. Show some skin and make the place seem like FUN for a change, rather than the place where old & fat people go to bake in the sun and then eat breakfast at the IHOP.

When Daytona was getting its Spring Break party on with MTV in the 80's, Las Vegas experimented with family-friendly marketing. Guess what? It doesn't work. Families are worried about bills to pay. Families are boring and dull. They don't make for a vibe that attracts more tourists.

On the other hand, people on vacation love a party. Those college kids here on Spring Break come a lot closer to being the attractive person you put on a brochure than some of the people staying in your hotels. Attractive people partying in your town will bring more people, more money, and a better economy.

So loosen up, Daytona. Let people have a beer on the beach. Open up your nudie bars the way God intended. Try to realize that it's better to have tourists clogging your roads than to have empty hotel beds that don't bring in any revenue for local businesses. You're a tourist destination. Start acting like one.

I remember Spring Break in the 80's. Lots of skin. Lots of hot pink bikinis. Lots of alcohol. Lots of sex. Lots of loud music. Basically, it was a party/ That's pretty much all you need for Spring Break at the beach. At least, that's what I thought.

However, Daytona decided that was too much and wanted to crack down on all those rowdy kids. They pour out the kids beer on the beach, setup a temporary jail, and control the hell out of the Spring Breakers.

Except, things are wilder now than ever before. Two of the reports from WESH News spring to mind. A security guard hired for a hotel raped an 18 year old girl and then tossed her off a 6th floor balcony. She hit the second floor and survived and the rapist was arrested. Then there's the story of three kids from Illinois & Ohio. It seemed they detonated a 1/4 stick of dynamite on their patio the other night and blew the windows out of a couple of rooms.

Maybe the drinking and screwing around weren't so bad after all. At least then people weren't getting thrown over balconies (though some fell on their own) and they weren't blowing shit up.